I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
