I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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