Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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