Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
