yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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