And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
its liver damage thursday
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
