never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He passed out mid-signature
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can I color on your dick again?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
