you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
