i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
