FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
