Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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