ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
