is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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