So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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