i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
