Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
