I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
