I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so let's talk penis.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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