My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
