I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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