forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Did I show you my penis last night?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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