i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
