This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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