Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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