Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
