saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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