when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please don't give away my fajitas
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
