When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
