The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
