Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
