I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
