i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
