He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
