I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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