I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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