I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
