just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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