Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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