Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We need to get me chipped asap
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
