i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
