Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
