I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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