I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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