I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
