my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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