Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
