you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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