it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this just has baby written all over it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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