we're blogging at a bar
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
