I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.