I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.