Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

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  (270): So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/0mbm
  Replies (20) Good night (5110) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it

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  (843): just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it http://tfl.nu/dhcg
  Replies (42) Good night (5023) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...

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  (803): For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer... http://tfl.nu/txcz
  Replies (20) Good night (4427) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

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  (317): my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive http://tfl.nu/067t
  Replies (31) Good night (5652) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

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  (613): Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors. http://tfl.nu/tkq1
  Replies (20) Good night (8334) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.

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  (314): I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night. http://tfl.nu/0xi5
  Replies (5) Good night (1680) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?

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  (215): I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint? http://tfl.nu/8n36
  Replies (11) Good night (4306) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.

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  (608): you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude. http://tfl.nu/1uv4
  Replies (5) Good night (2347) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.

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  (606): Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas. http://tfl.nu/5seh
  Replies (3) Good night (1197) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!

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  (443): You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously! http://tfl.nu/q8vz
  Replies (9) Good night (1619) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.

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  (845): And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn. http://tfl.nu/8782
  Replies (1) Good night (751) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.

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  (609): if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened. http://tfl.nu/us8v
  Replies (7) Good night (1095) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."

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  (864): Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy." http://tfl.nu/9d84
  Replies (18) Good night (568) Bad night (1637)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower

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  (262): I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower http://tfl.nu/cieg
  Replies (7) Good night (779) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.

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  (859): He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it. (859): The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders. http://tfl.nu/g672
  Replies (4) Good night (480) Bad night (949)

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