Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma