He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.