This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
