After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
