i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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