You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
