every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
