Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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