I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
