being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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