just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I love having hate sex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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