dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
