hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize