I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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