So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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