Christians are straight up FREAKS
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
