he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
