New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
