I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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